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25.8.09

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Your partner isn't as perfect as you'd thought initially, and you realise that your partner thinks the same way about you too. But what bothers you is your partner's been complaining lately, saying that you've been driving him/ her crazy. But if you've been dismissing it thinking that your partner's just overreacting, maybe you should watch your behaviour. You could indeed be driving them bonkers, if you're doing any of the following:

1. Snore like a drilling machine. No one does this deliberately, but it can be very disturbing and irritating for your partner to lose sleep because of it. At least make an attempt and acknowledge the problem, to start with. You could also visit your doctor since there are things you can do to solve this problem.

2. Be a cling-on. Clinging to your partner for dear life can become very stifling. Expecting the other person to take responsibility for your happiness and entertainment is the quickest way to make them feel claustrophobic and want to hit the road. Do your own thing and get a life – that way the relationship is much more likely to survive.

3. Comparing constantly . No one likes being compared. There will always be someone somewhere who is thinner, prettier, richer, more witty, more handy, a better dresser, a better driver and so forth. Being compared to anyone only heightens one's sense of inadequacy, and often reduces one's willingness to do something about a situation.

4. Not listen. No one can be on full alert all the time, but when someone is talking about important arrangements or issues, do them the favour of giving your full attention. Sometimes your partner may be talking about things they find difficult or painful, and if you don't listen attentively, they might not talk to you next time, but to someone else.

5. Be extensively jealous and possessive. This again reveals your own sense of insecurity and your belief that you don't really deserve to have this person as a partner. A little jealousy is natural but over-possessiveness can begin as something irritating and end up as a major issue. The quickest way to end a relationship is to restrict someone else. No one likes feeling imprisoned and the lure of freedom will become very strong. And when your partner packs his/her bags, you will only have yourself to blame.

6. Always be late. There is no point in being fanatical about time, but if you are always late for everything, your partner will start to resent you. Maybe he or she really would like to see the opening scenes of movies or get to dinner parties when they are still at the drinks stage. Make the effort to be on time – it shows respect for the other person.

7. Constantly complain. There are times when complaining is appropriate, such as when you find you are paying for the whole street's water bill. But for many people complaining is simply a bad habit. The weather, the neighbours, the news, the government – all things over which you have little or no control. Constant moaning about things that are beyond anyone's control makes those around you feel depleted, negative, helpless and keen to avoid you.

8. Giving constant advice. Being supportive sometimes means not giving advice, but just listening. It is very controlling to constantly tell someone what they should be doing with their money, career, family and habits. Don't give advice unless you are asked for it. You will only be resented for it and seen as interfering.

9. Harp on old issues . You are fighting about the date he/ she missed and you end up in a vicious slinging match about each other's families and their shortcomings. And the attention he/ she paid to someone attractive at a party four months ago. Get the picture? These fights are actually over and have been for many years, but they get hauled out and dusted off and revisited. Don't do this – there is no point in it.

10. Criticise your partner in front of others. This is the ultimate turnoff and makes you look like the villain of the piece. If you criticise your partner in front of others, you are actually only broadcasting your own insecurities. Telling your lover they're stupid, incompetent, unable to tell a story correctly or follow directions, only makes you look insensitive and boorish.
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