A study published in the Journal Of Sexual Medicine revealed that women with greater emotional intelligence had better sex and enjoyed more orgasms. Many news outlets picked up the story, and announced that 'smarter' women had better sex. We were, however, rapped on the knuckles for using the word 'smart'.
"What is smart? Define smart," asks Dr Rajan Bhonsle, a consultant in sexual medicine. After we clarified that the study mentioned emotional intelligence (EI), he went on to explain that EI is very different from intelligence quotient (IQ). "Some women may be great academics or brilliant thinkers, but that doesn't necessarily mean they have high levels of EI." It is the ability to read emotions intelligently, and react to them, with a good measure of objectivity.
And how does this relate to sexual satisfaction? "A woman with greater EI will be able to communicate with her partner better and help him understand what she finds pleasurable with greater clarity. She is also less likely to take his occasional disinterest in sex personally and get annoyed over little things," says Dr Bhonsle. But some women believe that only technique and knowledge can lead to better sex. "This idea is ridiculous," says TV producer Tehzeeb Udhas, 25. "Women who have greater exposure and are open to experimentation will definitely have better sex than women with just high levels of EI."
Graphic designer Sweta Desai, 28, too, does not believe that communicating your sexual likes and dislikes had much to do with EI. "Sometimes, the act of sex itself is ruined with emotions and expectations," she says.
For those whose sex lives leave a lot to be desired and are convinced that EI, and understanding one's emotions better does lead to good sex, Dr Bhonsle has some reassuring news — EI can be enhanced. "When women lack EI, they're unable to see their role in problematic relationships," he says.
Does this mean you should see a counsellor to enhance your EI and have better sex? Says Dr Bhonsle, "Spend some time meditating and attempt to look at the relationships in your life more objectively. You'll slowly begin to realise your contribution to the problem, which will help you deal better with emotions." This, he says, will lead to better sex.
But Tehzeeb still sticks to her guns. "Good sex is like enjoying a gourmet dish; how well you communicate and express your feelings does not affect your ability to enjoy it.